The Older Parent Stigma – Daddy Blog #06

My father will be 90 years old this year in November. It’s funny because I remember 20 years ago celebrating HIS mother’s 90th birthday. Even at that time, age of my father hadn’t hit me since I felt I had a pretty normal childhood. My mother, of whom I’d never share her age (since it’s a lifelong curse to do so) isn’t quite my dad’s age but she’s earned her grey hairs as well. It has me thinking of how age will affect Lorenzo’s life as Andrea and I get older?

Same age as Dad was

My dad was my age when I was born. In fact, I’ll be a year older than he was when I took my first breath. But considering I have a younger brother, dad still beats me. Growing up in New Jersey, I wasn’t the guy who played catch with dad or soccer. We never went on my Boy Scout ventures in the woods together or experienced fishing. It was my friends’ fathers who taught me those things — but it was my dad who signed me up and encouraged me to do them.

Dad always seemed like a giant back then. Stern and mostly disciplined, as kids we tried to never get out of line. Tried. But we always knew we could out-run him if that time ever came down to it. Haha! But Mr. Buckley taught me baseball. Mr. Kelly taught me how to fish. But Dad was the one who made sure I was safe to go with these men to expand my skillset. So, I’m sitting around enjoying my good health, as my dad once did, waiting for my firstborn son to arrive.

So, what can I teach him?

There are certainly a lot of things I can teach him as my own father has done. But what about the age gap between Drea and myself and his future friends’ parents? No doubt we’ll be the only ones in the audience with grey hair and knee problems. We’ll be the ones using old 90’s slang as they’ll have no recollection of what it felt like to see Wu-Tang Clan’s “Protect Ya Neck” video as it first aired. They will have graduated college fairly recently and have made plans on what they’ll do when they’re old…like, in their 40s!

We’ll be the ones 20+ years beyond their wildest ideas with the answers of what’s to come. Yet, we’ll all share children near the same age. Granted, with today’s world of women giving birth later, we’ll have a few closer to our age. But if one of them tries to proclaim to me that Cardi B or Future offers good music, I’ll probably jump on my Rascal scooter and drive away!

So, it’s a concern and I know Dad’s in his later years. It’ll be nearly impossible for him to see his grandson graduate college if time and family history is an indicator. And he won’t be able to throw the ball with Lorenzo. But…the memories created on video will last a lifetime. And the wisdom and knowledge Dad taught me will continue to be passed down. As such, my thoughts of my Dad in my life for these 46 years so far have been positive and life-reflecting. And I can safely say, I never thought of his age as a child as being “old”. He was just “Dad”…and I wouldn’t change anything about that.

My hope for Lorenzo

I’m hoping Lorenzo sees me the same way. With my baldie, greying beard, growing wrinkles, and a lifetime of passed-down and shared knowledge, my wish is for my boy not to see me as “old” compared to his friends’ parents. But just as his father who has done as mine has: protect him, supply him with a village of chosen people who will care for him if Drea and I cannot, and introduce him to a world filled with culture and possibilities.

I’ve lived an incredible life thanks to my parents and I believe due to their age, they had the means and wisdom to allow me to explore and avoid a lot of pitfalls. Younger parents may not have that wisdom or experience at this point to raise their children the same way. For that, I’m lucky. They definitely may have the physical endurance to do that till their children are in college. But hey….I’m not dead yet! And neither are my parents. Dad’s slowed down a bit but mom is a force and very active! 90 is a drop in the bucket in my family so cheers to a long life and passing on generational health and wisdom.

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